In the Heart of Ishval in the Heat of Battle
by Erubadhriel Caramiriel
Summary: An insight to Roy Mustang's and Riza Hawkeye's pasts and the decisions that led them to the Ishvalan War and onward. A work in progress, to be continued...
1. The Hawk's Eye

Mustang sat down on the hard stony earth and closed his eyes, releasing all of his pent up exhaustion and frustration with a single weary sigh. For the first time in years, it seemed, doubts were nagging at the fringes of his mind. The determination and assurance he had carried with him into the war was slowly abandoning him. All of the goals and dreams he had set before him as a child were rapidly dissipating. What was wrong with him?

He clenched his jaw. He had expected all of this, hadn't he? He had expected the worst and sworn to himself that no matter what he went through, he would come out of the other side with flying colors. Whatever they forced him to do, he would accomplish. He would rise above it. Change the world. This much had been clear to him since he was a child. He was destined to be great, the greatest. Why was he doubting himself now?

He leaned his head back and thought hard, letting his mind wander into old memories of his very first lessons with Professor Hawkeye. These were the ethical and theoretical lessons, the philosophical and moral questions. Mustang had grudgingly plowed through the work, complaining all the while that it was a waste of his time and would prove nothing but useless in the practice of alchemy. But the Professor was relentless in his convictions as a teacher and as perceptive of his pupil's character as, well, as a hawk's eye is in the dark. He was not about to throw away a priceless art to someone lacking in conviction, principals, and a thirst for truth. Mustang had none of these.

Here resided the heart of his struggle, the source of his doubt. He opened his eyes and stared up at the night sky. The stars were brilliant and clear. If only the truth resided in writing there. Tonight he would be able to read it.

"This is stupid, Professor!" Mustang's childish voice rang in his head and his mind heedlessly took him back to the first day he had ever dared talk back to his teacher. "I _hate _it!" He shouted, flinging his ink and pen across the room. "You don't want to teach anyone your precious secrets, do you?"

He glowered hatefully up at his Professor with his keen black eyes, challenging him. Professor Hawkeye said nothing and only stood there, studying his student with those deep brown eyes of his. Mustang's insides had quivered. Did nothing ever shake him? Not breaking his gaze with Mustang, the Professor had finally spoken up.

"Roy, when you first came to me, you told me you wanted to learn everything I had to teach you."

"I thought you were an alchemist, not some philosopher!" Roy spat.

"Is there a difference?" The Professor queried, not raising his voice in the slightest.

"What do you mean?" Roy was taken slightly aback. "Of course they're different. One's a scientist and accepts facts at face value. The other's a...a guy who doesn't do anything but contemplate the origin and meaning of life."

"Insightful answer," the Professor chuckled. Roy scowled. The Professor averted his gaze and drawing up a chair, he sat down opposite Roy. Listen, Roy. My purpose in these seemingly pointless lessons is to get you to _think._" So now he was calling Roy stupid? "Truly think about where your convictions lie, because if you are planning to be an alchemist you cannot merely be driven by the facts you see at face value..."

Something had changed in Roy Mustang that day, something beyond his mere mind and way of thinking. For the first time, he had caught a glimpse of what the Professor had been driving at all along, the change that needed to take place within himself before he endeavored to change the world. But even after that, the Professor was continually holding back. He was hesitant and fearful to teach Mustang more and when it came to his greatest secret and power, he never ever entrusted that to Roy.

Should Riza have been as perceptive and knowledgable of Roy's character as her father had been, she would probably not have unleashed the secret to him either. Roy blinked, bringing himself back to the present. He lifted up his gloved hands and studied the alchemy circles on each. Right now he was the most powerful weapon of the military. He had risen to the rank of a Colonel. And yet the continual gnawing of his conscience told him he had fallen a whole lot farther than he ever dreamed of climbing.

Here and now when it was too late, he finally understood what Professor Hawkeye had tried to teach him so very long ago. The facts of life, his clear road to success, had led him here where he was degraded to the lowest life form a person possibly could be, a human weapon. A dog at the end of a short leash, a murderor and a byword among the citizens of his own country.

"And they'll give me a medal of honor for all this." He laughed coldly to himself.

_Really __**think**__! Always, always, always question yourself. If you're sure of yourself, then you're 9 out of 10 times probably wrong. That's what's really wrong with you, Roy Mustang. You're too confident in yourself, too self-absorbed to see that your means of accomplishing your goals may not be wholly right._

"All right, Roy," he told himself. "Are you ready to change this country now that you know what it really needs?"


	2. The Loyal One

Riza thought twice before continuing forward. She knew he would see her. But why should she care? They were inevitably going to meet at some point. It would do no good to prolong the painful event. She walked on, deliberately throwing back the hood of her cloak, keeping her eyes sullenly focused ahead on nothing in particular. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see his eyes widening in horror and confusion. She felt a faint surge of pride at his shock. Women were rare in the front lines of the bloody extermination.

The hatred was not missed in that first encounter. Riza made a point of letting him know how much she was disgusted with this entire battle and with herself for having volunteered as a worthy participant. And by the look in his eyes, she was sure he had not missed the message she was silently conveying to him. _He _was the reason she was here. This was his fault. Riza was too loyal for her own good and she knew that, but Mustang should have known better than to lead the blind into a place like this.

Riza's best quality had always been her worst downfall. As much as she cursed herself for it, she did not realize how great a loyalty she bore for the ones she loved and even the ones she did not. For years she had born the secrets and the delicate health of her father on her own. She had missed multiple opportunities to pursue her own success in life in sacrifice to her father. When he had died, it had only been natural for her to turn to his successor, Roy Mustang. Naively she had accepted Mustang's dreams and visions of glory and success as her own and followed him into the war. Had she known where this road really led, she would have stopped herself, maybe even stopped Mustang.

Yet even know when she faced the man, she could not articulate this. She hoped he would get the message eventually. Her accusatory questions must be giving him some sort of hint.

_This isn't where we're supposed to be. _

To her comfort, he did not seem wholly pleased with himself. His face was not as sickeningly arrogant or satisfied as some she had seen'. His face was grim, his brow firmly knit, and in his eyes resided the cold gleam of a man who's seen death too many times and has grown hardened to the harsh reality. But there was not the remotest sign of pleasure. Thank goodness. For the first time in years, Riza's fears began to slowly dissipate. Something about Mustang gave her a thin line of hope to cling to. Despite the bloody injustice of their actions, there was a way out of it all...

And if they survived through it all, she knew then and there that she would want to be at Mustang's back. Her conscience could rest, knowing that as much as she had been mistaken, she would not be completey disappointed in Roy Mustang.


End file.
